I’ve been informed by several people that my nephew, Jeff’s piece in the Dallas Morning News is behind a “subscriber-only” firewall. I have reposted it below for those who wanted to read it but couldn’t.
Jeff Hensley: Was the Iraq war worth it?
Published: 30 December 2011 08:06 PM
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“Was it worth it?” I was asked that question by an acquaintance the other day. Like that of most Americans, his attention has long been diverted toward more pressing issues — the economy, his job, his golf game. But the news stories surrounding the American withdrawal from Iraq reminded him that we have indeed been at war there for quite a while.
The problem is there are no easy answers. And it’s hard for me to separate my personal experience from the larger questions of America’s involvement there. My life has been inextricably tied to the fate of Iraq in ways both profound and subtle for a long time.
Twenty years ago, I was a young ensign when we first went to war with Saddam Hussein. I can’t remember if I had heard of Iraq before Desert Shield. But for the next 20 years, it became the focus of my military career. Early on, I flew combat sorties in support of the no-fly zone. Later, I helped train a generation of fighter pilots in aerial tactics dedicated to the same mission. After the 2003 invasion, I volunteered to return again — this time on the ground.
For one hellish year, I worked as a civil affairs officer in Baghdad. We desperately tried to rebuild a shattered country in the face of a brutal insurgency. I alternated between feelings of anger, frustration and fear: anger at the Iraqis, the insurgents, even my own civilian leadership; frustration over the lack of progress; fear that each time I went outside the wire my number might come up. It was the longest year of my life. When it was finally over, my enthusiasm for the military was gone. I returned to the States and quietly retired. I didn’t want a ceremony. I didn’t want a plaque. I just wanted out.
It has been almost five years since I last heard the sound of shots fired in anger or felt the pressure wave of an exploding mortar. Five years since I last saluted friends headed home in a box. Five years since I last asked myself that haunting question — was it worth it? The answer is as elusive for me now as it was back then.
From the very beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom, I disagreed with the decision to go in. But that was a decision for policymakers, not those of us in uniform. So I soldiered on and left the debate to politicians. Still, on a personal level, I struggled with the morality of our cause.
For six months of training and 12 months with boots on the ground, I poured my heart into the mission. It took a heavy toll on my personal life. From half a world away, I watched helplessly as my marriage fell apart. For the most part, my kids forgot who I was. The constant stress of combat eventually sapped what joy I had and left me in a dark place. Of course, my personal losses pale when I think of what this war cost others.
Soon after we arrived in the country, my close friend was ripped apart by an explosively formed penetrator, or EFP. He had been on his way back to the forward operating base after completing a civil affairs mission in Abu Ghraib. He was a good man and didn’t deserve to die that way. Neither did the four other soldiers who were killed alongside him.
When I think of his death, my heart fills with rage. I feel hatred for the faceless enemy who detonated the device, hatred for the men who sent us there, hatred for the God who let it happen. In that instant, I am positive this war wasn’t worth it. No way.
But after a few moments, my anger subsides, and I remember that my friend died in service to the country he loved. I take comfort in my belief that the decision to send us wasn’t capricious or ill-considered. It may have been the wrong call, but it was made with noble intent. Finally, I remind myself that bad things sometimes happen to good people, but life isn’t defined by these events. This is apparent when I recall the lifelong bond I share with my brothers-in-arms — a bond forged during that terrible year. It is a bond of love, respect and the fiercest kind of loyalty. Even if we never meet again, I will always consider them my closest friends. Was it worth it? When I think of the love I have for these brave souls, I think maybe it was.
I realize my story is not unique. It is one of millions, each belonging to another Iraq veteran and each filled with its own special sorrow. No one comes through war unscathed. I imagine most of us are deeply moved by the poignancy of our withdrawal after so many years. I also suspect many of us privately question whether the war in Iraq was worth the costs. Maybe historians will tell us one day.
For now, it is what it is. I’m proud of our service, and I honor the sacrifices made by my fellow warriors. Was it worth it? I still don’t know. I’m not even sure I care anymore.
I’ve made my peace with it. Now it’s time to move on.
Jeff Hensley, who spent 20 years on active duty and as a selected reservist, lives in Frisco and is a spokesman for Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America. He will graduate with a master’s in counseling next year and plans to work with veterans. His email address is
nickel1963@yahoo.com.
Here are my also-rans:
